Saying Goodbye....while Standing

"be still"

if I could tell you all the things my heart longs to say

if I could show you the tears wailed in anger and pain

if you could feel my love that has carved a deep abyss

that love that i have carried for you even in my times of sin

then you may know that all I say is true

that the years we've had are not to be cast aside

as if imagination was all we lived through

I am still here

Existing and living it out

I am still flawed

isn't that what grace is all about 

we committed for better or for worst 

when the worst ripped through our love seemed to burst

shattered into a million pieces 

neither of us knew how to fix

doing as we always had & caused you to grow bitterness

the hardening you feel I have once felt too

but there is a difference between me and you

I can't imagine my life without your smile or eyes

even though we've fought and cried

I can't imagine your body not next to mine

though we both have damaged that holy place that binds

I can't imagine not sharing in life

where once we dreamed in innocent bliss devine

my heart was softened with a tremendous blow

I couldn't deny the depth of my love for you (though you may never know)

but your heart is hurt and angered so 

your path you've chosen 

and that is to go

you've begun a new life with someone new

and slowly trying to erase my existence with you

an innocent is about to enter this mess

all I can do is ache knowing that there is more to you then this

if we could just sit and talk and deal with the loss

look back and see the beauty along with the costs

it wasn't all bad or decay

it wasn't all tears or pain

there was lots of silly laughter 

playful twists and turns

growing up and learning 

sometimes listening without a word

moments when I would take your breath 

and you would take mine

moment when it seemed we had stopped time

hugs that seemed to encompass

where two into one would disappear

kisses that sent me back to the very first year

why can't we turn back the hands of time

go to the beginnings where our hands nervously intertwined 

remembering and seeing who we really are

embracing with grace all of the scars

wounds do heal and grow deep strength

that is how love survives the angst

it thrives through the depths of the deepest pain

because it remembers where the beginnings remain

lets go back and pick up the shattered pieces left behind

the mosaic created would stand the test of time

happiness will come and go 

but love's joy will overflow

you have to remember the beginnings to move safely ahead

or you will get lost in the forest of "what if's" and dread

noone can heal those broken areas within 

except the one who was there when it happened

nothing human is good in this world 

they will always fall short that's why we have Him and His word

I wish you would reset the hands of time

I would do it all again and that I can't deny

It wouldn't be the same but better than before

if we could just try walking through that door

regardless of what you choose 

my heart will carry deep eternal love

but for now I say good bye 

and trust the One above

((not an easy choice... but learning one breath at a time... trusting His leading and not mine))