Have you ever had your heart hurt so much that you wish it would be removed from your chest
Have you ever had your stomach ache so much that it felt like you've been punched by a fist
Those moments in time where you know in the core of you " seriously, I'm finished" and you can't take another step
You know the truth and have seen the path of those before
But you are tired and scream "I"M SO TIRED!!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE"
The places where the storm of tears just won't stop falling
Those moments of treacherous whispers constantly clawing at your soul and leaving shredded pieces behind
Telling you "your a fraud" or "this is your fault and this is why..."
"You really think you count that much or make a difference.... please, you were the very first mistress"
The place where you literally see (still) the shattered pieces (and in this moment) nothing more
In your humanity you are seeing the heart breaks you've caused and the tatters you tore out of other people's souls
You wale in the darkness of night
Screaming your angst and plight
"I'm retched and a mess .... there is no good at this core"
"Please just take me home I don't want to do this anymore"
Feeling conflicted by your deep rooted smiles shining just days before
" Am I truly being real" you ask your broken soul
" Am I causing more harm than I did before"
The moment in which you have finally let the quiet around you allow you to FEEL the hidden recesses of your heart
Shame and guilt rise up in a furry
Filtering all of your current things through the filter of yesterdays
The raging winds of the storm surrounding you feel like they are closing in
a gentle word touch your pounding ears
"fear not ... for I am with you"
"it's okay ... let me have it i can take it"
"ask your questions... you'll find"
"bang your fists... I'll open that door of mine"
"You will not be swallowed up or touched by the flames"
"yes..it's true YOU can't do it but I CAN
for what is impossible of man is POSSIBLE for ME"
"it's good you see the broken... I can now show you the mosaic that is to be"
"it's in these moments you will really experience and see my grace for thee"
"you are not your own... I have called you by name"
"what do you know of me?
Do you know I experience every ounce of your suffering
I catch every tear that falls from you tender cheek
I know the hurt waging from core of your feet to your head you see
I know you and every hair on your head
I have you.... go ahead let it out
I'm coming in.."
"WHO I AM I ALWAYS WILL BEYou, however, I change within & through the tragedies"
"your sins have been forgiven and no more do I see
you are healed my darling woman... let your faith speak and set you free"
"I am yours, you are mine"
"let that little light shine"
"Do you know how bright light shines in encompassing darkness
I will keep that oil filled as you display your brokenness"
"I have not left you
I will NEVER LEAVE
You are in future's history"
"Your name is cut deep within my hands"
"I am the ONE who will help you stand"
"so rise up dear one ... take your bed and walk"
"You and I have a journey to the Lost"
So here I am for all to see
Broken and torn in my tragedies
But I am NOT defeated
Nor am I perfect in the least
I just know the ONE who strengthens me.
So if you should see me
And my smile is set blaze
Know that it is HIm
Who lives inside of me.
I am not here to be a martyr
Or a perfect example of what should be
I'm just walking out my future's History.
HE LOVES YOU AS MUCH AS ME!!!!!
** addendum: It is in one of the most vulnerable places that I share these words this morning... my face laying upon His feet that have been flooded by my tears... I know in the depths of my soul He is with me and He is sovereign... and there are those times that I have allowed the lies of the enemy infiltrate and tell me that if I show my tears then the message I am sending is "I don't believe... I have no hope...I am giving up." The truth is ... I am pressing in deeper: I into Him and Him into me. 5he Lord just made it clear I need to Trust HIM when he says "Let down your guard so they can see... what's inside of you is me." So than each of you who read this and allow me to share my very vulnerable adventure... one step at a time. Love to you all!