free to be all of me....

Have you ever had your heart hurt so much that you wish it would be removed from your chest

Have you ever had your stomach ache so much that it felt like you've been punched by a fist

Those moments in time where you know in the core of you " seriously, I'm finished" and you can't take another step

You know the truth and have seen the path of those before 

But you are tired and scream "I"M SO TIRED!!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE"

The places where the storm of tears just won't stop falling

Those moments of treacherous whispers constantly clawing at your soul and leaving shredded pieces behind

Telling you "your a fraud" or "this is your fault and this is why..."

"You really think you count that much or make a difference.... please, you were the very first mistress"

The place where you literally see (still) the shattered pieces (and in this moment) nothing more

In your humanity you are seeing the heart breaks you've caused and the tatters you tore out of other people's souls

You wale in the darkness of night 

Screaming your angst and plight

"I'm retched and a mess .... there is no good at this core"

"Please just take me home I don't want to do this anymore"

Feeling conflicted by your deep rooted smiles shining just days before

" Am I truly being real" you ask your broken soul

" Am I causing more harm than I did before"

The moment in which you have finally let the quiet around you allow you to FEEL the hidden recesses of your heart

Shame and guilt rise up in a furry

Filtering all of your current things through the filter of yesterdays

The raging winds of the storm surrounding you feel like they are closing in

.

..

...

.....

a gentle word touch your pounding ears

"fear not ... for I am with you"

"it's okay ... let me have it i can take it"

"ask your questions... you'll find"

"bang your fists... I'll open that door of mine"

"You will not be swallowed up or touched by the flames"

"yes..it's true YOU can't do it but I CAN

for what is impossible of man is POSSIBLE for ME"

"it's good you see the broken... I can now show you the mosaic that is to be"

"it's in these moments you will really experience and see my grace for thee"

"you are not your own... I have called you by name"

"what do you know of me?

Do you know I experience every ounce of your suffering

I catch every tear that falls from you tender cheek

I know the hurt waging from core of your feet to your head you see

I know you and every hair on your head

I have you.... go ahead let it out

I'm coming in.."

"WHO I AM I ALWAYS WILL BEYou, however, I change within & through the tragedies" 

"your sins have been forgiven and no more do I see

you are healed my darling woman... let your faith speak and set you free"

"I am yours, you are mine"

"let that little light shine"

"Do you know how bright light shines in encompassing darkness 

I will keep that oil filled as you display your brokenness"

"I have not left you 

I will NEVER LEAVE

You are in future's history"

"Your name is cut deep within my hands"

"I am the ONE who will help you stand"

"so rise up dear one ... take your bed and walk"

"You and I have a journey to the Lost"

....

...

..

.

So here I am for all to see

Broken and torn in my tragedies

But I am NOT defeated 

Nor am I perfect in the least

I just know the ONE who strengthens me.

So if you should see me 

And my smile is set blaze

Know that it is HIm 

Who lives inside of me.

I am not here to be a martyr

Or a perfect example of what should be

I'm just walking out my future's History.

HE LOVES YOU AS MUCH AS ME!!!!!

** addendum: It is in one of the most vulnerable places that I share these words this morning... my face laying upon His feet that have been flooded by my tears... I know in the depths of my soul He is with me and He is sovereign... and there are those times that I have allowed the lies of the enemy infiltrate and tell me that if I show my tears then the message I am sending is "I don't believe... I have no hope...I am giving up." The truth is ... I am pressing in deeper: I into Him and Him into me. 5he Lord just made it clear I need to Trust HIM when he says "Let down your guard so they can see... what's inside of you is me." So than each of you who read this and allow me to share my very vulnerable adventure... one step at a time. Love to you all!

My Journey on the Adventure of My Life... part 22

"I fearlessly believe and am made well"... luke 8:50 Taking steps in faith are Never meant to be easy otherwise they would be steps of "I know it all"....LOL! In my Adventure Guide's  amazing love and care as we continue to trek through the depths of the jungle. My soul is encouraged as my hope is in Him! His Grace is sufficient in the rebuilding o'my soul and ruins of life. (Gal. 6:9; 2Cor.4:16-18) My joy is overflowing in the One who stands before me. (Ps. 27:13-14) :o) May this joy fill you up as well. 

 

Pic by jcoterhals ... thank you so much.

My journey on the Adventure of my life... Part 1

excited for the new journey ahead. How exciting to be able to have a NEW day every time we wake up. I mean seriously... if we leave yesterday where it belongs and the future for Him to handle ahead of us then the day we are in is Brand New... it has it's own adventures and baggage. "Hand me a machete and canteen. Okay... Let's Do This!" I've got the best "Adventure Guide" around ... That's just how He rolls!




pic by geekmojo from flickr... thank you! fantastic pic.

Believe...

Awaiting in space and time
With everything around without rhyme

Just standing in the blackness and smoke
Remembering Faith is not seeing but stands in Hope

Hope and promises of things unseen
Believing in Him and walking free

Free of fears and what is known
Free of bondage which once did tightly hold

"They say many things.."
However "they" go on what they see
Yet I choose to stand firm on thee

All is not lost just because it looks dead
For in the winter the life is restoring in grounds bed

We know that spring will come
Though we don't see it..life soon will be sprung
From the hard, cold, broken ground
After time and His hand has strengthened roots all around

Even in the quiet pain
Here I am standing in faith

Stand in the rain
Of hardship and change

Going beyond what you see
For in the winter roots are set free
To grow stronger and deeper
By the hand of the Creator

And when Life springs forth
You'll know that your Faith helped you stand the coarse.

He does not lie
He is Faithful in deed
He is the Master of all
He is HE

So here I stand
Beyond what I see
Standing in Faith
Believing in HE.

"I've got... got the victory. I've got the sweet sweet victory of Jesus..."

The storm clouds engulf the ever steadfast presence of my soul.
There is calm in the midst
Peace be stills the over whelming angst that is destined to over take me
"Oh ye of little faith"
So I stand ... In the rain.... regardless of the pain.
Because of the pain there will be beauty.

The promises are from the One on which I stand.
My foundation firm and solid.
To Know him is to Believe him
To Believe him is to Understand that he is He.
The know is Intimate and not to be underestimated.
Passionate and Satisfying is He.
He will bring beauty from pain...
"And we know that in all things God works for the the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."--Romans 8:28

So into this storm I shall STAND
STAND in the Pain
For I have the Victory

And his name is Christ Jesus! :o)

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall,

but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint. --Isaiah 40:28b-31

Daily Gifts....

With the passing of Christmas and the New Year, I was reminded of what is most important.... the real gifts. I wrote this July 30th, 2001 and it still stands true for today. :)

Daily Gifts

Sometimes in the depth of the night I sit in silence... and I ponder... over trivial things. I think not on just the day's happenings and what still has yet to be done, but on the sweeter things in life.

...The smiles of a child, the joyful pant of a dog, the smell of a rose whose bud has just opened...

things of that sort

and

I smile.

I smile because it warms my heart to know that such simple things add such beauty and joy to a busy and sometimes ugly life.

Have you ever just stopped and watched? Watched children playing on the playground, an elderly couple gently caressing on an other's hand and smiling , or even a young couple just tenderly holding each other and realizing you're watching love bloom right in front of your eyes?

Stop... Watch... Listen

Not on the negative, the harsh, or the rude. Just close your eyes and look beyond. You'll find it.... that joy, love, and bit of sunshine. It's always there. Even on the worst of days.

Some people would say that I'm sentimental. Others would say that I see only what I choose. They're both right. For without sentiment we are without cherishing and if I choose not to see through the daily drudge then I would simply die inside. Nothing is worse than looking at life and asking yourself: "Is this all?" or "is this as good as it gets?"

With my eyes I choose to see better. With my mind I know that the next day will bring more. But with my heart.....well... with my heart I find sentiment... happiness... peace... contentment.... and love..... all of which I cherish and hold dearly and securely as daily gifts. Presents that are freely given to me, daily.

Now, please don't get me wrong. I, too, get caught up in the hustle and bustle drama we call life. Without giving a second glance, they have been discarded without a care 'til they're gone. How easy it can happen. How sad that they are passed by, but I try.

So, in the next week I encourage you to try. Find your daily gifts in life and hold on tight. If in a week you see a brighter place or find more joy, add a day. Keep adding days, until it just happens. You begin to do it voluntarily, without keeping track. Just enjoy life, as it were. This isn't all and it isn't as good as it gets. There's more and it's better.

Forever Friends..

my sister ... my friend.

Most people have different relationships with their siblings. I happen to adore my sister. We are different as night and day.

She is Blond and exquisite Blue eyes where as I am (obviously) not. She is fair skin and I am olive complected. She speaks very directly "what you see is what you get". I tend to go around the bush as to deliver in the best way possible so I can keep everyone "happy" (when ultimately someone is generally not going to be happy). She thinks in black and white ... and I... will I think Black -White- and tons of Blood Red Grace. Now that is not to say she is not gracious. She has a Heart bigger than Texas. She enjoys her pioneer days and attire. I am more 1940's ... 1950's classic (with enjoyment of the many other eras as well). We are exactly 2 years, 2 months, 2 days apart... I am the oldest.

While we are so different we are also very much the same. We love deeply. We adore our elders and the wisdom they offer. We love the Word. We are both stubborn and very protective of our families. We are both perfectionists and strive to please everyone around us (granted.. it's not always the healthiest mind set). We both tend to be equal parts of our mother... creating a bit of a balance with the two of us.

Being opposites is a blessing because helps us to sharpen one another in growth. We spur one another on to challenge ourselves and think deeper. We are the encourager for the other. We were created not only for our sweet Mommy but ... for each other.

I have many close deep friendships but my sister is my most profound of friendships. She is the only one, besides our mom, who has been through my entire life with me. She has suffered with me. She has rejoiced with me. She has held me accountable and she will always tell me like it is regardless of how it makes me feel because she knows I know she loves me. She is my 2nd dearest best friend. (The 1st being my mom). In my perspective I have found that the good Lord blessed me with a "built-in" best friend for life.

It is true, it is a matter of choice. We must choose to keep the lines of communication open. We must choose to love when we are seemingly unlovable. We must choose to talk things through when it feels as if there is nothing to talk about. We have to choose to let the other be who they are even when we don't agree.... choose to love them right where they are. We must choose to let them see us owning our flaws and limitations. We must choose to be forgiving and offering grace. We must choose to admit when we are wrong or have crossed a boundary line. Over all.... We must choose.

I choose to see the amazing beauty of my sister. I choose to be thankful for the sound of her voice when she calls. I choose to see the nectar of all of how God made her. I choose to give praise that she was born into my life with purpose and reason. I choose to see my dear sister as a benefaction to my life through to eternity. (And I am blessed to have her through eternity as well.)

We are all imperfect messes... I'm grateful I have someone to love me through it all. :)

I love my sister... my Forever Friend.

Sanctuary of Grace

Do you ever have one of those "Cozy-Comfy" days?

You know.. the kind where all you really want to do is enjoy the sweet comfort of plush blankets, over sized chair, a cup of warm yumminess, and gentle "take me a way" read (or in my case relational mystery with heart racing intensity). When there is not a clock or alarm in sight. The house is nearly empty... maybe a resident or two that have the same intentions as you, to embrace the grace and simply be. For my home that would be Max... whose purr could soothe the most restless of souls.... and Moki.... who responds to the spirit of those around once he has had his needs (outside necessities) taken care of.

The kind of day that has a blanket of gray, with silver, lining the sky. The kind of day where there are no "to-do's" and "have-to's". They may exist but you choose to let them wait one more day. The kind of day where you turn off the ringer on the phone and turn the volume down on the answering machine. The kind of day that encourages you, and you concede in the weary battle, to TURN OFF the cellphone and computer.

This little place of sanctuary simply set up to have all of your "needs", such as chocolate, fruits, nuts, water, tissues/hankie (depending on the book), journal, pencil, and other fun commodities, within arms reach. Acoustic styling of coffee house types are filling the air with embracing tones of smooth lulls while the remote is close at hand if you choose to change the "mood"from guitar to piano or saxophone. In my space of tranquility I would also have close my bible and snail mail paper. Whatever happened to simple writing a letter and sending your jots of yesterday down the way?? I tend to keep mine collected ... needing only to be put in the mail. Silly isn't it, but it is what it is.

Such a day that you wonder why they don't come around much. Yet, in that succulent stillness, you hear a tender whisper ... "Where have you been? I have missed you and awaited so longingly for you to return." You turn to find that whisper ... and it is the gentle voice that can not be seen but heard on these wondrous days. It is accompanied by the sigh of our heart and a sense of belonging.

I desperately need those days. He calls me to them and longs for the moments.Yet ... there are times I catch myself rushing by and yelling back, "I promise to come another day." No... no more. I must begin to slow my self down and take in these days and these moments within the busy days. Take time to rest and find what I've missed in the fast pace of things... grace.

In my days I will choose to saunter,

to take my time and learn to wander.

not always on a "have to" deed

but choosing more of a "need to" lead.

Tomorrow will come without our help

So today just stop and rest a spell.

Get going a little earlier to conquer the "musts"

This way you can prop up those barkin' pups.

If in your day you find "there's not enough time"

What is it that is sucking you dry

from all your creativity,

joy

rest

peace

because nothing is worth the death of me.

We have many things to help "simplify"

So since when did we allow them to run our life?

These are not only questions for you but me

Because I am choosing my Grace Sanctuary.

--jeanette mayhew 11/19/08

May each of you find your day and moments in the Sanctuary of Grace. :) I have truly enjoyed the delicious joys of such a gift in this new journey of my chapter. :)

Can you ever find the words????

In days of past and the days to come I find that the word "LOVE" is over run with words that are empty . I am just as guilty for the over use of the word. "Love" seems to have lost it's luster in so many cases... the degrees of "love" vary too.

I wish that my "user friendly vocabulary" was broader than what it is currently. There are so many other words in the world that are better at describing what we see, feel, smell, and think than what we tend to rely on. Even now while writing here, I need to bounce words off of a friend..... my mind simply goes blank with options unless I hear it. I don't mean to be lazy in my speech it's just I don't hear, see, or quite frankly think of the other words. I have noticed I don't read much variety either.

So... what do we do? I am learning to use my thesaurus more and yet cringe at the possible "fake" intellect it may portray. How, in a society where "That's Hot" is common place for "That is exquisite" or "You look absolutely, devastatingly beautiful" , are we to encourage more clarity and variety in our words with out sounding pompous? To clear away the apathy of limited vocabulary use will undoubtedly take effort and quite possibly a verbal revolution.

Do you think our society has simply become "comfortable" or is it sheer laziness .... maybe it's the fear of using something uncommon. Who knows it's just my observation... what other words can describe the white hot passion I feel for my husband.. or the amazing bliss I feel sipping on the sweet warm comfort from my favorite coffee paradise? And how do you put it into conversation with out sounding like a nut? Not the hard shell variety ... not like a mad person or someone that is pompous and talks down to others around them ... I would just like to use more words to better describe what I am thinking. I would enjoy a larger well used verbal dictionary/thesaurus of my own tongues If any one has suggestions

I would love

... no I would RELISH in hearing them.

Thank you for reading the mad libs of this born to the wrong era alien. (though I do love the life I live. :) )

(photo by: MorBCN on flicker ... thank you for such an fantastic photo. If there were only more storefronts like this. :))

"My Momma Always Says"

Have you ever thought about those things your mom always says??


My mom has her voice permanently recorded in my mind and let me just say it has encouraged, reprimanded, and saved my tukas from some really tricky decisions that could have gone really bad. Add that to the "still quiet voice" of the Lord and ya gotta wonder if He made hers repeat simply because I didn't hear Him the first time around. ;)


I love my mom and I have actually recorded her voice because I realize the truth of it all ...she won't be around forever and I will miss hearing it when she is partying with Jesus. She is young and vibrant but I can't imagine my life without her. One of the things she has said for a large portion of my life is this simple, sweet little ditty...
"Keep a Song in your Heart, a Dance at your Feet, and a Smile on your Face... because You make this world a better place. Remember God made You for this time and this place with purpose and love."


She says it to my sister as well. This is her encouragement to us to not let the chaos of the world or daily tasks bring us down or veer our eyes from the only One who can see the big picture and has it all figured out.... not to mention we are "why?" girls. "Why this time and this place... are you sure you put me in the right time period?" "He created you with purpose and love for this specific time and place giving you exactly what you need."


I've recently started sharing that little ditty with others. People I don't know necessarily but God put it on my heart to share. it is a blessing when I have the opportunity to hear or see their reactions because it shows how legacies are made. I wonder if sometimes we forget that we are a Living Legacy.


The honest truth is that most of the time I do wake with a song in my heart... and if you know me you know I have to have a little dance in everything I do... and my smile is my signature. She may not have had a mom that was tender and loving like her ...or really a childhood that we would wish on any innocence... but she has amazing Love and a faith stronger than her own "wild stallion" will. So that little ditty has now become part of the Legacy she lives and it travels to other places to touch other hearts drawing them in to the Arms of Love that are always open for all of those He has created.



What are some of the things that your momma, daddy, grandma, gramps have said to you that encourage and bring you hope in the darker days?



She has always told us we were made for her... to save her... but I have to say... She was made specifically for us (me and my blessed sister) and brought us to the one who Saves. :)
me and my 1st best friend. :)

I've Decided to be a Canary...

I sat with my sweet Adonai today and did my devotions which have not kept in habit(except in times of struggle or suffering... because it is then that I see that I am famished) and He is taking the time peeling away the layers I don't need.

That is what this time is about. Learning to trust Him more than I do anyone else and embracing the gracious love He has for me. It is a growing and learning time with the breaking of unhealthy tendencies and repaving of ruts in the road of my mind (Romans 12:2 > "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and prove what God's will is-- his good, pleasing and perfect will.") For that I am grateful and truly blessed. I have found true comfort, peace (that surpasses all understanding), and hope. I have joy.

The devotion today was out of Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman a collection of daily devotional readings. It resonated with my soul and there are a few quotes I found very enlightening... intriguing pictures as well.

"...an excitable horse that will not calmly submit to its bridle only strangles itself. And a high-spirited animal that is restless in it's yoke only bruises its own shoulders."

"No calamity will ever bring only evil to us, if we will immediately take it in fervent prayer to God."

(my own emphasis in the italics)

"...it is through our trials and afflictions that God gives us fresh revelations of Himself."

(all quotes and devotion written by Nathaniel William Taylor)

There was also a sweet reference in regards to an analogy that Laurence Sterne ( a minister and author of the 18th century). He penned in regards to the difference between a restless starling and a submissive canary. The starling broke it's wing flying in to the cage bars continually crying "I can't get out! I can't get out!I can't get out!" The canary sat on its perch and sang songs that surpassed the beauty of those of a lark that soared freely to the very gates of heaven.

I have decided I would really like to be a canary. :)

(pictures in this post are: journal pic by JohnAlthouseCohen and canary picture by Floridapfe on flickr. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. :) )

Sitting in my Abba's Chair

I sat at the Lord's feet today
Enjoying my daily bread
And as I feasted generously
This is what He said:



"My Child, My beloved, your care is mine
There is no fear,anxiety or no need to hide.

I've treasured our moments,
this time with you and I.
Please do not forget,
You need this quiet time.

You lose yourself in the people
yet your heart I know is mine.
So while we sit
nourishing a bit
I'ld like you to hear the heart of Mine.
Tuck into your sweet memory
the freedom and rest you have now.
You are not ment to carry
such heavy burdens alone
and "fix the world".
That is my job dear one.
My plans intwined, detailed, and not clearly understood.

So as you are nurished
being rebuilt in your heart and soul,
Remember what these moments are like
so you do not go out Alone.

This is my plan for you everyday
To sit with me and sup'.
Then WE will strike out together
Reaching the world in Love.

Your Security, Strength and Value
will not lose it's way.
For the One who has sanctified you
Will remind you each moment of your day.

So remember, My dear, how this feels
How truly effortless it is
To sit right here in your Creator's lap
Recieving all I have to give.
I love you."

So in the moments
when life becomes
simply to much to bare
Ask yourself
"Have I eaten to day?
Have I rested in my Abba's chair?"

He is there with you in each new step,
for Him they are old.
For He is now and will forever be
The beginning and end, the one who Created your Soul.

You are Loved.--- 11/04/08 jeanette mayhew

**************************************************
This poem came bubbling out of my heart as a bubbling brook created as the clean winter melts from the mountain tops.

(picture "Chair under tree" by emile on flickr)

Who am I ?

"difficult to describe... to hard to contain... I'm just me and that's all I can be. :)"

These are the only words you will find on my profile. Today I was thinking... yes I do that a lot ;)... but I was thinking about how we describe ourselves and what we mean to those around us. More importantly what we mean to the one who gave his life for us... the one who knitted us together in our mother's womb. Then I thought... what we mean to our own selves. Now I don't want to lead you down the wrong path so wait for me a minute....

I stated that I am "difficult to describe... hard to contain... I'm just me and that's all I can be." Well.. recently I learned that I have made a false statement about myself. I wasn't really being honest about me... however when i look at me I do not see what others see and I must remind my self of the truths of who I am. This is not because I am put down a lot... because I'm not... not by those around me. This is not because I was raised like that .... because I wasn't... as a point of fact, I was encouraged, loved unconditionally, and praised by my mom. But my mirror of myself is distorted. It begins in the battle of the mind and then permeates to the battle of the heart. The battle for the core of who you are. It is the century old battle for our soul.

Now ... we are far from perfect other wise we would not be here right now learning, growing, changing. But there are some core truths that I know we have in Jesus. Before I get into that though...

Recently I sent out one of those forward texts. I sent it to several of my friends with no expectation for a response. Within seconds i was receiving messages back. I laughed as I thought, "I was totally joking". The text asked for the receiver to describe the sender in one word and then forward on to at least 10 of your friends. I added " have fun with it. You never know ... you may be surprised." I was.

I probably shouldn't have been. Like I said, these are my friends. I would have to say that 90% if not more are absolutely real with me. They don't pull any punches and I never want them to because that is the relationship we have. We say the things that are hard to say and love without condition. It's real and raw. I am always blessed and thankful for what I've been provided in my friends. I pray that I provide the same for them.


Back to the Text... I'm going to share with you what I read...

Optimistic!!!!
loving
Lovable
a Role model!
Vivacious (sent 2 times same person. She wanted to be sure I knew :) )
Outgoing
Beautiful
lovable. so very easy and fun lovable
Sunshine... you know how i love sunshine

... all in all having my friends describe me is much easier than me, however it was still a surprise to read what they saw. It's not that I don't see the positive things... it's just that I see all the areas I have to grow. Knowing that pride is a problem it is easier to error on the side of where I need growth rather the areas I excel in. If I asked those same friends as well as others they (which I have in conversation) if I was "hard to contain" they would ask "in what way? Who wants to contain: love and kindness and joy?" On the other hand, there are a scant few that would say that I am difficult to live with and at times a challenge to love. So I keep those in my peripheral view. I don't want to lose sight that I can be a lot to handle. Then I read that this is the struggle of every woman's heart "I am not enough and I am to much"(Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge) So, I'm not alone. Nor, am I crazy when i feel like that.

Now back to the absolute truths I know, in my head and must remind my heart sometimes, that are the foundation of my soul in Jesus...

I am saved
I am secure
I am protected
I am fought for
I am sanctified
I am loved
I am forgiven
I am renewed
I am restored
I am pursued
I am longed for
I am treasured
I am of value and worth
I am complete.

Those are just a few. I believe that the name you are give speaks over your life for the purpose God has for you. My name means God is gracious. My life is a Living Testimony to that. So... in the last part of my statement " ... I'm just me that's all I can be" .... I am God's Grace. That is all I need to be ... His grace is sufficient for me! He has made me complete and I am thankful I have the opportunity to show up every day and say .. "Here I am Lord." without fear, sometimes with shame for my choices made, but always loved and forgiven and COMPLETE!

So.. to anyone who reads this or shares this please know that you are loved, pursued and treasured of great worth! My love and prayers for you and your journey.


Created under His Amazing Grace--

jeanette marie mayhew... encouraged by the journey He is taking me on through the broken

picture is by asmundur http://www.flickr.com/photos/asmundur the photo is called "God's House By Noon" (he is one of my favorite flickr photographers :) )

Beauty in Pain

there is beauty in times of pain

when we step back and see what is gained.

never forgetting the lessons learned

a heart that has been hurt yet still has passion to yearn.

taking a moment to assess the risk

leaves you still waiting on that perfect bliss

there is never a good time to take the leap

the fact that there is yearning means the pain may cut deep.

one must not fret, for you are not alone.

there is a healing touch that will ease the scars you own.

they will not fade as if to not exist

they are meant to remind you how to truly feel a simple sweet kiss

for without pain how do we know joy

and without that knowledge... life would be a ploy

offering nothing more than the mundane

with no adventure and nothing to gain.

so do not fret if a tear you shed
seek out the hidden treasures instead

they are there and not always easy to see

once you've learned to look, it will be more than it seemed

back in the day when all you saw was darkness

making such discovery will bring out the brightness.

it is never easy to take that step

allowing your heart out there once and again

yet watch as a child gets hurt in a day

a few minutes later they invite to play.

so simple and sweet a gesture...bringing adults to their knees

remembering what it was to have such innocent peace

they don't have to remind themselves "tomorrow's a new day"

they simply let it all fall away

let's make an effort to have that child like care

and use the wisdom of age to leave selfishness there

in the wake of yest er year.

Moments by a Large Window

I sit at a window everyday.

I work and watch the passerby saunter.

Cars zoom past and every once and a while 2-3 police cars fly by with sirens about to start.

It's not incredibly fascinating or even beautiful ( across the street is a community parking lot that has been patched often and the back of buildings that show their faces to our quaint down town.), yet I watch.

This window reminds me how moment pass by. Always moving, these moments never take time to stop like the blue jay who perches out side my window waiting for some treats. How many moments do we not grab because they seem mundane and insignificant?

That question is something that I have been asking myself lately. Also, how many moments do I let pass me because I am to afraid to take hold? I must admit it was triggered by a book I'm reading Chasing Daylight by McManus. Think about those questions and others often even before the reading of this book (which I just started I might add).

Missed opportunities, the "little" moments that can be easily overlooked, sweet gifts of daily living.... all of them coursing through my thoughts and getting to the core of my own character. Do I capture every moment like a snap shot missing the pieces all around in the "stop frame"? ... or ... Do I run with it and make every effort count because moments are moving through time? I'm not looking for any answers. I simply thought I would throw the questions out into this void we lovingly call the blogging community. Maybe we all ask those same questions.

**photo by asmundur from Flickr (http://flickr.com/photos/asmundur/)

Isn't it a wonder.

This morning I was in the office doing what I do every morning... checking my morning messages. Every morning I receive a "FamilyLife" devotional. Pandora.com is playing a mix of praise musicin the background. I begin to read.

September 17
One Home at a Time
"A smoldering wick He will not put out, until He leads justice to victory. "
Matthew 12:20

The story goes on to talk about this general ... the screaming eagles of 1944 WWII ... and though the efforts of the squad weren't seen on mass scale (it was a tactical disaster) yet lives were save and touched. Then it goes into marriage and family.

General Dees's story reminded me that each home is important in the battle for the family. Your small courageous choices--to stand for truth, to remain committed to one another and to raise a family that honors Jesus Christ--will yield a victory of some kind. Don't give up. Just like that little Dutch girl and her dad, the next generation is at stake.

Discuss:Even if your efforts to strengthen your marriage and family haven't visibly made a difference lately, what little victories is God enabling you to win?

This was a beautiful reminder. As many of you know Aaron and I have been together for 13 years. We've been married for 10. The road has not been easy but I believe it has been beautiful. Beautiful?? Yes. God's grace paints a beauty over suffering and heartache replacing it with hope and joyful memories. Moments of laughter and simple touches are amplified... standing firm like a mountain range.... always point up to the sweet Provider. It's a hope that enriches and strengthens us. I do not give up nor do I see divorce as an option. There's no "opt. out" clause in our covenant.

I often wonder ... who in our generation understands that through the struggles we grow stronger in our marriage if we put our selfishness and bitterness aside?

The other day I was shopping with my friend Judi (jlomowriter of zany life + crazy faith ...here in blogger world ) and she made a statement... the generations today don't know what a covenant is. Marriage is seen as a "contract" not a "covenant". They do mean pretty much the same thing however.... when you enter into a covenantal vow with someone you are willing to sacrifice** yourself for you are creating a "treaty, a pact" {dictionary.com}.

**(that means you are not laying out your expectations of them you are telling them what they can expect from you... and nobody does it perfectly. It takes two to enter in ...only one hard heart to exit.)

When things aren't working I look at myself first because pointing fingers only gets my fingers bent. When it comes to him... well, honestly... I pray. God created him so I ask him for the wisdom and understanding. I also seek council from his parents becuase his dad and him have similar traits. His mom gives me a different perspective.

Anyone who knows me knows that my love for my husband is white hot passion. They also know I believe it is a matter of choice to be in that kind of love. My marriage has taught me selflessness, compassion to another degree, sacrifice... with it we have received blessings, submission ... no it's not a bad word... it's the willingness to concede so that God can handle the rest, dependence on the Lord and resting in him.... most of all how to live my life full on... out front and real in the light of saving grace. I have more victories than I can count usually and for that I am so very greatful.

"Take this life and make it yours. Here I am Lord what are we upto today." That is my constant prayer.

I encourage each of you to see what quiet victories are being won today. Thank you for taking the time to read my journey. :)