Moments of Brilliance and Unexpected Excellence

Have you ever had this insatiable need to write and then overwhelmed with the "where do I begin" or "which direction should I go" questions added to the million and one words that are just bursting to be put upon a page??? well that is exactly how I feel right now!! I just couldn't get home fast enough... buy my groceries and get situated at home soon enough... and then of course settled into position for "writing stance" easy enough just to begin getting the thoughts on a page. 

Tonight was filled with sensational brilliance of immense emotion, intense empathy/sympathy, overwhelming desire to sing until my vocal chords wept, and just jump into the biggest puddle and spin like a little girl exuberance .... not to mention drop down face first in humility and pain. WHAT A NIGHT!! I don't even know how to describe it or explain it.... but maybe I'm not supposed to explain.... maybe I'm supposed to just revel in the exceptional fluid moments that cumulate to make a night. No... no... I am not supposed to stop there... I need to share. 

Have you ever felt the pain of another person so deep it is as if it your own? Have you ever seen the halo of someone so brightly that is illuminates like the noon day sun at midnight even though they are outwardly completely broken? Have you ever felt love so big that it is as if your heart will break every bone containing it and just rip right through your skin? That is exactly .... EXACTLY what tonight was for me. I am not exaggerating... or fishing a tale (or telling a fish tale..lol). That is to the detail what my night was like. Now add to that the way your brain feels when you just sat at the foot of the most amazing teacher you have ever known... filled with so much that it hurts but beckons, actually BEGS for more. Yep, now you know what my night was like. Even now.. even now I am just bathing in the awesomeness of it all and even reminded the way my day was as well. I'm telling you... not one ounce of today was lost or with out exact perfect purpose. WOWZA!!!! NO MORE STATUS QUO is absolutely RIGHT!! :)

Oh... that's right I didn't tell you what I was doing. :) I've given you the When and How but not the Where, What, or Who-s. I told you this may be an adventure in it and of itself. :) Today ... Lunch with a dear friend... then Work with new and dear friends... then Bible study with amazing women of raw authentic wonderfulness. The one that stole the show? The awe inspiring Lover of our Souls!!! It was radtastically delicious!!! The conversations today and tonight were so .... REAL!!!! Raw rugged broken exuberant joyful beautifully tragic and inspiring. I can't seem to find enough descriptive words. 

To seriously lay down my life today for complete surrender to whatever He had planned and His purpose produced such a night that I just can't figure how I'm going to rest. :) I know that this may be just going out into the suspending void we call the Internet with only me and God reading this... but even that would be a perfect time placed purpose. :) However, if you do read this perchance, I pray that you are encourage and you "catch the joy" that is just oozing like sweet honey out of my soul on to this page. :) Be encouraged my friends.... a new day is just around the corner. He has already walked it for you ... just be BRAVE. :) ((of course I am open to questions too. :) I know that I left out stuff too. :) so many words and all moving so fast :) ))

Intentional Purpose

Fall has begun. The warmth of the sun still kissing my brow as the sky tucks it in behind the full foliage mountainside. The smell of chili blankets the house in sweet spicy comfort. Peace stills my soul yet a since of urgency fills my heart. White Hot deep Passion within stirs my soul.

Tears rolling and falling as a waterfall trickling down a mountainside into a lagoon. My overwhelmed with the brokenness through out the land. The numbers rolling through my mind…. 200,000 plus children soldiers in Africa, little girls given away/ sold into prostitution, human trafficking across the world… and for what? Power? Sick desires? Greed? if it breaks my heart I can only imagine the pain it causes the One who created us in his own image.

Free Will…. a very interesting thing. The freedom to choose … and this is what we as a society choose? We can’t possibly be so desensitized that we don’t feel the cries and pulse of broken souls. I know that I cannot repair the brokenness but I do feel that I can fall to my knees at the cross of hope and promise. “In this world you WILL have trouble, but take heart for I have over come the world.”- Jesus Christ (John 16:33) This is not “boo hoo, my privileged life is so hard. Well I’ll just perk up because it’s all good in the end” … NO… this is “In this world you WILL HAVE (not might or maybe) KNOCK DOWN DRAG OUT MMA FIGHT kind of trouble. But I have someone who has SUFFERED EXTREME TORTURE, HEARS AND FEELS ALL THE CRIES AND PAIN, and humiliation then hung on a cross and cried out IT IS FINISHED...at the end of this life ALL THE SUFFERING WILL BE GONE and HE HEARS and SEES it ALL right now and is providing… SO COME TO HIM.”

We need to be active where we can with Intentional Purpose and RISK … Pray with authenticity and CONVICTION. BRING LIGHT TO THE DARKNESS and don’t let the moments pass! Though I may no longer be an idealizing child or passionate teen … I still believe that ONE person can make a difference. STOP letting the whispers of false contentment fleece the truth... this world is broken and hurting… and so is the person next to you, even the person that hurts you.

SO now what? I guess that is the question we should start asking… where do I risk? Am I compassionate? Am I listening?? Am I loving??

My journey on the Adventure of my life... Part 10

so amazingly blessed in this day! I have rejoiced in it ... battered and bruised we came upon a open clearing with ancient ruins rising out of it. Vines of destruction over powered every structure, yet the essence of what once was still stood. In the center a alter. It was magnificent in size and solid stone. Then I was reminded of Abraham and Isaac. I knelt down and cried... remembering the Hope, Faith, Sacrifice.


Pic by Benjamin Fitzgerald... fantastic work. :o)

My journey on the Adventure of my life... Part 2

blessed by the journey that her Adventure Guide has led her on. To go back in time, embracing the future, but most of all enjoying the moment. So much happens in the present... delight in such a gift!





pic by charlattecreations on flickr... thank you!

Another twist in the Fantastic adventure ....

I did it! I turned in my college application today. Yep that's right. I am going back to school. I have only actually completed one year. I then entered the "adult" world. That was about 14 years ago. Yes... I said it... 14 years ago. :o) I'm so excited, scared and I WANT IT SO BAD!!! It has left an aching hunger in my soul and I am excited for this new path of the fantastic adventure God has me on. He is not boring. :o) I can say that with all honesty and with a joyful heart. 

So here is my letter of submission for my application. I should add I'm okay whatever the outcome may be because there is a bigger picture here and I don't know all of the details. :o)

Hello! My name is Jeanette Mayhew. I am 32 years old, and I have a strong desire to return to school. I am a young woman on the cusp of truly embracing the Lord's calling in my life and the plans he has for me. I have no interest in superficial interactions, so I am going to break into the reality that is my life right now.

Here I am. I have had 13 years in the "real world" trying to figure out what direction to go in, and falling along the way. I have never lost sight of the Creator of my soul, however, I have often ignored him in my own journey of youthful pride and disobedience. I am in a place right now of taking His hand and leaping in absolute faith. I know that He has created me for an absolute purpose. it is time to live it out.

I am profoundly overwhelmed at the movement he has made in my life. I don't know all of the details but what I do know is that he is igniting my passion. Which brings me to: "Why now?" and "Why George Fox University?"

Often, I have wished I would have stayed and finished school. Whether It was fear or complete naiveté, I didn't complete my studies. Now I am older, hopefully wiser, and most definitely more hungry for the college experience and I have the desire to finish strong. I want to "suck the marrow out of life" as the Lord has given it to me. I believe that, for me George Fox University is the place to do that.

My desire is to enter into the whole undergraduate experience: to complete a double Major in writing / literature and communications, while receiving a minor in ESOL with a higher than 3.0 GPA, then complete my Master's in teaching. I have no excuses or distractions. I know that I can do it all in Him.

I have not reached this decision in haste or without deep prayer and petition. Our Lord is great, unpredictable in our natural expectations, and he has a fantastic sense of humor. I am excited and anticipate this new adventure.

My life began with the Lord when I was 10, at Fellowship Bible Church in Phoenix, Arizona during A.W.A.N.A. My mom has been a single parent from the time I was 2. She was 27 at this point and cried when she heard the news. :o) We moved to Oregon when I entered high school. Through high school, I grew in my relationship with the Lord, always asking myself "If I died today, what do I want people to remember of me?"

Upon graduation I knew I was going to George Fox and my boyfriend would be going to Western Baptist. We had just started our relationship that spring and the distraction began. I spent half of my time at GFU and the other half at Western Baptist. I married him. We have had out own journey through the valleys and mountain tops and the Lord has been in it all. He certainly allowed me to fall hard enough to get my attention and awaken my passion once again!

So, here I am asking for you to accept me into your school, to not only participate, but to impact in a positive way, for the Lord we adore. My name is Jeanette Mayhew and I am looking forward to being a part of your University. Thank you for your time and may the Lord bless you and your family as you serve Him in the wholeness in which He has called you.

Thank you!

So ... that is it. My life in a quick nutshell, with some vague areas, for all the world to see. I'm excited to have it out and on paper focused and edited properly (by 2 dear friends Courtney and JuJu also known as JLo. Thank you both for helping me to tidy it up :o) ). So I'll keep  y'all up-to date on the next part of this journey or if another turn is taken. :o) 

The Eyes of a Girl .... last entry from (5-19-03)

*Part 3:

See, she never felt without foundation when she would move. Her worth, value, and stability rested in a higher source. Her mother, she was certain, was created and sent as her guardian angel.

She knew that she was never alone. She also had a best friend. Not like most children's best friends. This friend was not invisible or outside the home, but her little sister.

So, it was her sister, her mother, and herself. All who had more love and understanding of those around them then they ever had in money. With that, she was content. Her peace was evident in her manner and her pose, but mostly found in her eyes.

"The eyes are the windows through which anyone can see the soul, if they truly took the time to look," her mother would tell her. She always looked. It fascinated and, at times, saddened her depending on what she saw. Yet, she would continue to look. The longing in her soul always made her look on... deeper.

Now, as she sat in the bay window, she could see what might be around the bend. Excitement built in her and also a sense of nervousness, each in equal parts. This would be a great chapter. Her eyes confirmed it.

** so this is it. The Eyes of a Girl .... this is where I ended and stopped by writers block. I'm okay with it as a short story. I tend to get these bursts and then have no where else to go with it. I hope you have enjoyed it. Your input is welcomed ( with in reason of course...LOL ;) ).

The Sweet Embrace that heals the pain....

Have you ever heard a heart break into a million pieces? I did. It was mine. There was a burst of a wale then a snow shower of glazed clay pieces. My hand reached for the phone... dial the first number. No answer. Dial the second number... again no answer. Concede to the One, sitting by my side, that should the next call have no answer I would sit and "fit" it out with him. Dial... ringing.... ringing... a voice of sound comfort answers with joy to hear my voice on the other side. "I'm glad you answered I need to talk. But let me give you a preface of what has been going on..."

Then the updates take place with rabbit trails to the current situation at hand. Sound mind is taking over the emotion boiling at the surface wanting so desperately to reveal itself. Then it comes ... TRUTH, REMINDER, Compassion. There is no protective cap ... the emotions over flow and the tears begin to come.

The most amazing thing happened after that moment. I could feel the One slowly and gingerly picking up the pieces around me as I sat and listened and talked with the one he delivered to answer my call. Peace begins to take place of the anger. Remembrance takes place of the anxiety. Comfort strips the fear away.

Then the embrace. Arms wrapped snugly around me as if they were actually there. They were His. The One that drew me close last Sunday. The One that waits patiently for me. The One who has been there with arms wide open desiring me to draw near. I began to share the details of my "dance" last Sunday to "Draw Me Close to You". The intimacy and the "freedom" found that time and life had forgotten. I remembered. I remembered the promises. I remembered the covenant made with me and the peace it poured into my soul.

He had picked up each and every piece. Each piece was brought back together where he mending them. No crack was over looked. As I sat in conversation with my friend, one in which he provided, He worked. Gently and intricately, He handled and reconnected each piece. Then he begin to pour into the once broken vessel. It began to overflow ....

What Grace! Peace.... confirmation...

I am His. He cares deeply for me. He longs for my heart to receive all He has to offer. I humbly bow my head and receive. Thank you Lord!

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.--2 Cor 4:1618

Cojourner...

On the path we need not stray

For we are not alone as it may seem

We look forward in to the dark unknown

A light gives hope

And a hand throws a rope.

So walk be for me

Light the way

Gliding along the rope

The line of Hope for me today.

--jeanette mayhew 1/4/2009

in response to a piece written by my friend jlo at Zany life + Crazy faith.

Daily Gifts....

With the passing of Christmas and the New Year, I was reminded of what is most important.... the real gifts. I wrote this July 30th, 2001 and it still stands true for today. :)

Daily Gifts

Sometimes in the depth of the night I sit in silence... and I ponder... over trivial things. I think not on just the day's happenings and what still has yet to be done, but on the sweeter things in life.

...The smiles of a child, the joyful pant of a dog, the smell of a rose whose bud has just opened...

things of that sort

and

I smile.

I smile because it warms my heart to know that such simple things add such beauty and joy to a busy and sometimes ugly life.

Have you ever just stopped and watched? Watched children playing on the playground, an elderly couple gently caressing on an other's hand and smiling , or even a young couple just tenderly holding each other and realizing you're watching love bloom right in front of your eyes?

Stop... Watch... Listen

Not on the negative, the harsh, or the rude. Just close your eyes and look beyond. You'll find it.... that joy, love, and bit of sunshine. It's always there. Even on the worst of days.

Some people would say that I'm sentimental. Others would say that I see only what I choose. They're both right. For without sentiment we are without cherishing and if I choose not to see through the daily drudge then I would simply die inside. Nothing is worse than looking at life and asking yourself: "Is this all?" or "is this as good as it gets?"

With my eyes I choose to see better. With my mind I know that the next day will bring more. But with my heart.....well... with my heart I find sentiment... happiness... peace... contentment.... and love..... all of which I cherish and hold dearly and securely as daily gifts. Presents that are freely given to me, daily.

Now, please don't get me wrong. I, too, get caught up in the hustle and bustle drama we call life. Without giving a second glance, they have been discarded without a care 'til they're gone. How easy it can happen. How sad that they are passed by, but I try.

So, in the next week I encourage you to try. Find your daily gifts in life and hold on tight. If in a week you see a brighter place or find more joy, add a day. Keep adding days, until it just happens. You begin to do it voluntarily, without keeping track. Just enjoy life, as it were. This isn't all and it isn't as good as it gets. There's more and it's better.

Forever Friends..

my sister ... my friend.

Most people have different relationships with their siblings. I happen to adore my sister. We are different as night and day.

She is Blond and exquisite Blue eyes where as I am (obviously) not. She is fair skin and I am olive complected. She speaks very directly "what you see is what you get". I tend to go around the bush as to deliver in the best way possible so I can keep everyone "happy" (when ultimately someone is generally not going to be happy). She thinks in black and white ... and I... will I think Black -White- and tons of Blood Red Grace. Now that is not to say she is not gracious. She has a Heart bigger than Texas. She enjoys her pioneer days and attire. I am more 1940's ... 1950's classic (with enjoyment of the many other eras as well). We are exactly 2 years, 2 months, 2 days apart... I am the oldest.

While we are so different we are also very much the same. We love deeply. We adore our elders and the wisdom they offer. We love the Word. We are both stubborn and very protective of our families. We are both perfectionists and strive to please everyone around us (granted.. it's not always the healthiest mind set). We both tend to be equal parts of our mother... creating a bit of a balance with the two of us.

Being opposites is a blessing because helps us to sharpen one another in growth. We spur one another on to challenge ourselves and think deeper. We are the encourager for the other. We were created not only for our sweet Mommy but ... for each other.

I have many close deep friendships but my sister is my most profound of friendships. She is the only one, besides our mom, who has been through my entire life with me. She has suffered with me. She has rejoiced with me. She has held me accountable and she will always tell me like it is regardless of how it makes me feel because she knows I know she loves me. She is my 2nd dearest best friend. (The 1st being my mom). In my perspective I have found that the good Lord blessed me with a "built-in" best friend for life.

It is true, it is a matter of choice. We must choose to keep the lines of communication open. We must choose to love when we are seemingly unlovable. We must choose to talk things through when it feels as if there is nothing to talk about. We have to choose to let the other be who they are even when we don't agree.... choose to love them right where they are. We must choose to let them see us owning our flaws and limitations. We must choose to be forgiving and offering grace. We must choose to admit when we are wrong or have crossed a boundary line. Over all.... We must choose.

I choose to see the amazing beauty of my sister. I choose to be thankful for the sound of her voice when she calls. I choose to see the nectar of all of how God made her. I choose to give praise that she was born into my life with purpose and reason. I choose to see my dear sister as a benefaction to my life through to eternity. (And I am blessed to have her through eternity as well.)

We are all imperfect messes... I'm grateful I have someone to love me through it all. :)

I love my sister... my Forever Friend.

Sanctuary of Grace

Do you ever have one of those "Cozy-Comfy" days?

You know.. the kind where all you really want to do is enjoy the sweet comfort of plush blankets, over sized chair, a cup of warm yumminess, and gentle "take me a way" read (or in my case relational mystery with heart racing intensity). When there is not a clock or alarm in sight. The house is nearly empty... maybe a resident or two that have the same intentions as you, to embrace the grace and simply be. For my home that would be Max... whose purr could soothe the most restless of souls.... and Moki.... who responds to the spirit of those around once he has had his needs (outside necessities) taken care of.

The kind of day that has a blanket of gray, with silver, lining the sky. The kind of day where there are no "to-do's" and "have-to's". They may exist but you choose to let them wait one more day. The kind of day where you turn off the ringer on the phone and turn the volume down on the answering machine. The kind of day that encourages you, and you concede in the weary battle, to TURN OFF the cellphone and computer.

This little place of sanctuary simply set up to have all of your "needs", such as chocolate, fruits, nuts, water, tissues/hankie (depending on the book), journal, pencil, and other fun commodities, within arms reach. Acoustic styling of coffee house types are filling the air with embracing tones of smooth lulls while the remote is close at hand if you choose to change the "mood"from guitar to piano or saxophone. In my space of tranquility I would also have close my bible and snail mail paper. Whatever happened to simple writing a letter and sending your jots of yesterday down the way?? I tend to keep mine collected ... needing only to be put in the mail. Silly isn't it, but it is what it is.

Such a day that you wonder why they don't come around much. Yet, in that succulent stillness, you hear a tender whisper ... "Where have you been? I have missed you and awaited so longingly for you to return." You turn to find that whisper ... and it is the gentle voice that can not be seen but heard on these wondrous days. It is accompanied by the sigh of our heart and a sense of belonging.

I desperately need those days. He calls me to them and longs for the moments.Yet ... there are times I catch myself rushing by and yelling back, "I promise to come another day." No... no more. I must begin to slow my self down and take in these days and these moments within the busy days. Take time to rest and find what I've missed in the fast pace of things... grace.

In my days I will choose to saunter,

to take my time and learn to wander.

not always on a "have to" deed

but choosing more of a "need to" lead.

Tomorrow will come without our help

So today just stop and rest a spell.

Get going a little earlier to conquer the "musts"

This way you can prop up those barkin' pups.

If in your day you find "there's not enough time"

What is it that is sucking you dry

from all your creativity,

joy

rest

peace

because nothing is worth the death of me.

We have many things to help "simplify"

So since when did we allow them to run our life?

These are not only questions for you but me

Because I am choosing my Grace Sanctuary.

--jeanette mayhew 11/19/08

May each of you find your day and moments in the Sanctuary of Grace. :) I have truly enjoyed the delicious joys of such a gift in this new journey of my chapter. :)

30 years since Jonestown...

I just read and saw interviews of one of the most horrific events of our history. The story of ordinary people with ideals and trust betrayed by the person that they saw as a father, friend, shepherd... Jim Jones. I was less than a year old when the catastrophic event took place in Guyana and, so, this is honestly the first I heard of it. However, it doesn't make it any less heartbreaking and devastating to learn and read about.

I have taken time over the years to read and learn about cults and the behaviors of mass reaction. How people behave and respond once they have found someone that agrees and promotes their ideals. There is a trust that is made and then once you are in a large group of equally trusting and idyllic people ... they become family. Everyone searching for the right answer and feeling that they are doing the right thing.... until they stand on the outside and listen to the little voice inside that begins showing all the red flags that are hard to see in the midst of it all. The interesting part is that when you look at the individuals ... when you listen to their stories... you see the humanity not mindless robots that do what they are programed to do. No... you see their heartbreak, their fear, their loss of idealism and hope... all of the things that they thought they found. They truly believe in the big picture of what is happening and maybe overlook or justify the questionable things because the big picture is good and selfless and true to what they are seeking... HOPE.

As I watched some of the video coverage of the Legacy of Jonestown I was literally crying for the ones that survived. Over 900 people that they loved and grew up with died due to one man's fear, control, and most likely... illness. Power can do very strange things to people when it is not kept in check and questioned. The people believed very important things during a time where the Vietnam war had ended and the ideals of our country had began to be questioned. They cared about taking care of people and equality. They cared about hope and new beginnings. They gave people second chances when there seemed like there were no longer options available. It was a socialist mindset and quite honestly there is NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. It is not the ideals of socialism that is wrong it is how it is not kept with balance and in check. The problem also is that there will never be a utopia here on earth ... having said that we are all called "to treat and do to others what you would want as treatment and done to you." (The Golden Rule) It is in the core of who we are... how we are created. That is what you see in the eyes of the survivors. Their hearts are stunned and broken into pieces in disbelief. Their ideals dishonored and all of their good works tainted. They were ordinary people, intelligent, and simply wanted a better life than what they were seeing around them.

My heart ached as I kept reading and watching the coverage. I read about where they are today. Some have gone on to do wonderful things. They still suffer but they have found healing and forgiveness. Those are very important if you want to do more than just survive... if you want to live. Most people know where I stand in my own belief and life. I have no compromise in it. I ask a lot of questions and I trust my gut when something feels a little "to good", but I know that i am far from perfect. It is easy for us on the outside to come to conclusion about those caught in the grasp of unhealthy groups but if we can remember that they are ordinary people I think it will help us to hurt for them in such a time as this.

30 years ago over 900 babies, children, mothers, fathers, sisters,and brothers died in a "revolutionary"/murder suicide, NBC lost amazing reporter (Harris) and camera man (Brown), San Fransisco Examiner lost a photographer (Robinson), our country lost a Congressman assassinated in the line of duty Leo Ryan (first one).... We have been losing people for a long time in wars, disease, cancer, abortions, and cults.... let's remember that some do survive/escape and take care of those around us just as much as we like to take care of overseas.

My prayer is that we look inside ourselves and look at our "checks and balances" before we pass conclusions and judgements. That we will care about those around us and in our communities, that we question every once and a while when things are a little "to good", and that those of us who follow Jesus Christ and believe in God ... that we will take care of the least of these and be His hands and feet.

May you all be blessed in the life that you live and know that you are treasured.

(Photo: Jonestown by Liv Irene on flickr...if you have not heard of this Nov.18,1978 story please stop by: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27743208/ and read the whole story plus the video launches there.)

"My Momma Always Says"

Have you ever thought about those things your mom always says??


My mom has her voice permanently recorded in my mind and let me just say it has encouraged, reprimanded, and saved my tukas from some really tricky decisions that could have gone really bad. Add that to the "still quiet voice" of the Lord and ya gotta wonder if He made hers repeat simply because I didn't hear Him the first time around. ;)


I love my mom and I have actually recorded her voice because I realize the truth of it all ...she won't be around forever and I will miss hearing it when she is partying with Jesus. She is young and vibrant but I can't imagine my life without her. One of the things she has said for a large portion of my life is this simple, sweet little ditty...
"Keep a Song in your Heart, a Dance at your Feet, and a Smile on your Face... because You make this world a better place. Remember God made You for this time and this place with purpose and love."


She says it to my sister as well. This is her encouragement to us to not let the chaos of the world or daily tasks bring us down or veer our eyes from the only One who can see the big picture and has it all figured out.... not to mention we are "why?" girls. "Why this time and this place... are you sure you put me in the right time period?" "He created you with purpose and love for this specific time and place giving you exactly what you need."


I've recently started sharing that little ditty with others. People I don't know necessarily but God put it on my heart to share. it is a blessing when I have the opportunity to hear or see their reactions because it shows how legacies are made. I wonder if sometimes we forget that we are a Living Legacy.


The honest truth is that most of the time I do wake with a song in my heart... and if you know me you know I have to have a little dance in everything I do... and my smile is my signature. She may not have had a mom that was tender and loving like her ...or really a childhood that we would wish on any innocence... but she has amazing Love and a faith stronger than her own "wild stallion" will. So that little ditty has now become part of the Legacy she lives and it travels to other places to touch other hearts drawing them in to the Arms of Love that are always open for all of those He has created.



What are some of the things that your momma, daddy, grandma, gramps have said to you that encourage and bring you hope in the darker days?



She has always told us we were made for her... to save her... but I have to say... She was made specifically for us (me and my blessed sister) and brought us to the one who Saves. :)
me and my 1st best friend. :)

A moment on Faith....

I've been thinking considerably about "faith" today.

I'm in constant wonder about how to explain what I cannot see but know to the core of me to be true. The only word we have is "faith" to describe it yet that word alone is thrown around so often that I'm not certain we really have a complete understanding of the vitality and depth of this word. ( Faith: belief without proof....other words delegated to faith are: loyalty, fidelity, trust)

People ask me how do I get through different paths of my journey or how my mom survived her childhood and became the vivacious woman with such love she is today and I often say it was the our faith... knowing that there is a God greater than our circumstances and who sees the bigger picture. The fact that we believe without seeing and have no doubt that He is there. Though our "natural" tools to solve such matter fail us we know it will all work itself out.

Currently, this chapter of my life has such trials and tribulations but such amazing joy too. There are victories amidst the striking blows and joys in the tears. Such course of drama in any book would lead you to a natural course of ending. However, my chapter has just begun and I know the writer, so I expect the unexpected simply due to my faith.

My faith is much like the wind... faith is often described as such as well... you cannot see it but you see it's affects and you feel it. That is the beauty because over the written pages of my life I have seen the "wind" disperse grand floods of "rain" which is my description of the rejuvenating and restoring grace that has blanketed my life.

As faith is belief without proof , maybe it would be good to also understand proof. Proof leads to evidence and evidence is the result of having something tangible (from my understanding and perspective.) I have proof of my Faith in God as far as there is result of a creation however in circumstances the results show themselves much later. During the process it is walking in blind faith at times and resting in what I know to be true.

I think everyday we all live by faith and we don't really think about it. We have faith that when we go to sleep we will awaken. We have faith that when we sit the chair will hold our weight. We have faith our appendages will work when we send the signal from our brain without a nano second thought. But what happens when they don't .... most lose hope or trust. So the essence of living in all out Faith is still having it when the the house of cards fall.

I never said faith was easy. But I can't imagine living without it. I think without it I may survive but I would never truly live. Every step would be a question rather than a stride with hope there is something underneath my confident step. Confidence... that is the blessing of faith. No more cause to question with fear or insecurity just encouragement to keep moving forward. To be encouraged is "to cause; to be in" courage. Interesting don't you think that such a simple word as faith leads to much bigger things than the depleting degrade of stepping into fear and uncertainty.

Faith... much deeper and stronger everyday I wake. Today... I thought considerably about faith and turns out.. I'm very blessed that I have such encouragement.

May you be blessed today and encouraged. :) Just think how you don't question the littlest of things because of a little bit of faith. :)

(just a note... pictures that I have not given credit to such as this one are taken by me. :) )

I've Decided to be a Canary...

I sat with my sweet Adonai today and did my devotions which have not kept in habit(except in times of struggle or suffering... because it is then that I see that I am famished) and He is taking the time peeling away the layers I don't need.

That is what this time is about. Learning to trust Him more than I do anyone else and embracing the gracious love He has for me. It is a growing and learning time with the breaking of unhealthy tendencies and repaving of ruts in the road of my mind (Romans 12:2 > "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and prove what God's will is-- his good, pleasing and perfect will.") For that I am grateful and truly blessed. I have found true comfort, peace (that surpasses all understanding), and hope. I have joy.

The devotion today was out of Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman a collection of daily devotional readings. It resonated with my soul and there are a few quotes I found very enlightening... intriguing pictures as well.

"...an excitable horse that will not calmly submit to its bridle only strangles itself. And a high-spirited animal that is restless in it's yoke only bruises its own shoulders."

"No calamity will ever bring only evil to us, if we will immediately take it in fervent prayer to God."

(my own emphasis in the italics)

"...it is through our trials and afflictions that God gives us fresh revelations of Himself."

(all quotes and devotion written by Nathaniel William Taylor)

There was also a sweet reference in regards to an analogy that Laurence Sterne ( a minister and author of the 18th century). He penned in regards to the difference between a restless starling and a submissive canary. The starling broke it's wing flying in to the cage bars continually crying "I can't get out! I can't get out!I can't get out!" The canary sat on its perch and sang songs that surpassed the beauty of those of a lark that soared freely to the very gates of heaven.

I have decided I would really like to be a canary. :)

(pictures in this post are: journal pic by JohnAlthouseCohen and canary picture by Floridapfe on flickr. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. :) )

Sitting in my Abba's Chair

I sat at the Lord's feet today
Enjoying my daily bread
And as I feasted generously
This is what He said:



"My Child, My beloved, your care is mine
There is no fear,anxiety or no need to hide.

I've treasured our moments,
this time with you and I.
Please do not forget,
You need this quiet time.

You lose yourself in the people
yet your heart I know is mine.
So while we sit
nourishing a bit
I'ld like you to hear the heart of Mine.
Tuck into your sweet memory
the freedom and rest you have now.
You are not ment to carry
such heavy burdens alone
and "fix the world".
That is my job dear one.
My plans intwined, detailed, and not clearly understood.

So as you are nurished
being rebuilt in your heart and soul,
Remember what these moments are like
so you do not go out Alone.

This is my plan for you everyday
To sit with me and sup'.
Then WE will strike out together
Reaching the world in Love.

Your Security, Strength and Value
will not lose it's way.
For the One who has sanctified you
Will remind you each moment of your day.

So remember, My dear, how this feels
How truly effortless it is
To sit right here in your Creator's lap
Recieving all I have to give.
I love you."

So in the moments
when life becomes
simply to much to bare
Ask yourself
"Have I eaten to day?
Have I rested in my Abba's chair?"

He is there with you in each new step,
for Him they are old.
For He is now and will forever be
The beginning and end, the one who Created your Soul.

You are Loved.--- 11/04/08 jeanette mayhew

**************************************************
This poem came bubbling out of my heart as a bubbling brook created as the clean winter melts from the mountain tops.

(picture "Chair under tree" by emile on flickr)

Let Me Lead

There are things I wonder
but do not show
like how to be me
but do not overflow
people with to much
for that is always said
"you are just to much"
"you try too hard my friend"

It is such a balance
each step you take
to be kind to others
and yet be true to the wake
of emotions that rise
and boundaries that cross
how do i "do this life"
without creating a cost?

A cost to my heart
as it breaks into pieces
a cost to my true self
as it gets lost in the seasons

So much to learn
but all i have is time
so I'll just sit at His feet
and allow Him to sort my life.

It's an interesting thing
to simply stop and rest
to not try so hard
and just learn from the best

He created this being
so all i need to do is be
He makes no mistakes
as He created you and me

There are choices we make
lessons we learn
sometimes we run to fast
we leave the Coach at the turn
heading the wrong direction
we run deeper in the dark
not knowing where we are heading
without His light to illuminate as we embark
on new territories and some times old
it is in those spaces
there are wounds we've left alone

So in these travels
I will learn to walk slow
trusting His grace and mercy
to unfold
to light the darkness
lead me on my way
I have know idea how to deal
with much more than today.

There will be times
He will call me to sit
to rest a while
simply listen
no need to ask "why?" like a child of three
just sit and listen
for there is much to glean

Then He'll take my hand
in the gentlest way
and say
"It's okay, I've got you. Let Me Lead"
And you'll begin again
in this dance we call life
but not alone in the darkness
no...
with the Lover of your Soul and Life.

(pictures shown here are from flickr. 1st picture is by FLUK ... 2nd picture is by queen'slace. Thank you to both for sharing your art with us.)

Who am I ?

"difficult to describe... to hard to contain... I'm just me and that's all I can be. :)"

These are the only words you will find on my profile. Today I was thinking... yes I do that a lot ;)... but I was thinking about how we describe ourselves and what we mean to those around us. More importantly what we mean to the one who gave his life for us... the one who knitted us together in our mother's womb. Then I thought... what we mean to our own selves. Now I don't want to lead you down the wrong path so wait for me a minute....

I stated that I am "difficult to describe... hard to contain... I'm just me and that's all I can be." Well.. recently I learned that I have made a false statement about myself. I wasn't really being honest about me... however when i look at me I do not see what others see and I must remind my self of the truths of who I am. This is not because I am put down a lot... because I'm not... not by those around me. This is not because I was raised like that .... because I wasn't... as a point of fact, I was encouraged, loved unconditionally, and praised by my mom. But my mirror of myself is distorted. It begins in the battle of the mind and then permeates to the battle of the heart. The battle for the core of who you are. It is the century old battle for our soul.

Now ... we are far from perfect other wise we would not be here right now learning, growing, changing. But there are some core truths that I know we have in Jesus. Before I get into that though...

Recently I sent out one of those forward texts. I sent it to several of my friends with no expectation for a response. Within seconds i was receiving messages back. I laughed as I thought, "I was totally joking". The text asked for the receiver to describe the sender in one word and then forward on to at least 10 of your friends. I added " have fun with it. You never know ... you may be surprised." I was.

I probably shouldn't have been. Like I said, these are my friends. I would have to say that 90% if not more are absolutely real with me. They don't pull any punches and I never want them to because that is the relationship we have. We say the things that are hard to say and love without condition. It's real and raw. I am always blessed and thankful for what I've been provided in my friends. I pray that I provide the same for them.


Back to the Text... I'm going to share with you what I read...

Optimistic!!!!
loving
Lovable
a Role model!
Vivacious (sent 2 times same person. She wanted to be sure I knew :) )
Outgoing
Beautiful
lovable. so very easy and fun lovable
Sunshine... you know how i love sunshine

... all in all having my friends describe me is much easier than me, however it was still a surprise to read what they saw. It's not that I don't see the positive things... it's just that I see all the areas I have to grow. Knowing that pride is a problem it is easier to error on the side of where I need growth rather the areas I excel in. If I asked those same friends as well as others they (which I have in conversation) if I was "hard to contain" they would ask "in what way? Who wants to contain: love and kindness and joy?" On the other hand, there are a scant few that would say that I am difficult to live with and at times a challenge to love. So I keep those in my peripheral view. I don't want to lose sight that I can be a lot to handle. Then I read that this is the struggle of every woman's heart "I am not enough and I am to much"(Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge) So, I'm not alone. Nor, am I crazy when i feel like that.

Now back to the absolute truths I know, in my head and must remind my heart sometimes, that are the foundation of my soul in Jesus...

I am saved
I am secure
I am protected
I am fought for
I am sanctified
I am loved
I am forgiven
I am renewed
I am restored
I am pursued
I am longed for
I am treasured
I am of value and worth
I am complete.

Those are just a few. I believe that the name you are give speaks over your life for the purpose God has for you. My name means God is gracious. My life is a Living Testimony to that. So... in the last part of my statement " ... I'm just me that's all I can be" .... I am God's Grace. That is all I need to be ... His grace is sufficient for me! He has made me complete and I am thankful I have the opportunity to show up every day and say .. "Here I am Lord." without fear, sometimes with shame for my choices made, but always loved and forgiven and COMPLETE!

So.. to anyone who reads this or shares this please know that you are loved, pursued and treasured of great worth! My love and prayers for you and your journey.


Created under His Amazing Grace--

jeanette marie mayhew... encouraged by the journey He is taking me on through the broken

picture is by asmundur http://www.flickr.com/photos/asmundur the photo is called "God's House By Noon" (he is one of my favorite flickr photographers :) )

Beauty in Pain

there is beauty in times of pain

when we step back and see what is gained.

never forgetting the lessons learned

a heart that has been hurt yet still has passion to yearn.

taking a moment to assess the risk

leaves you still waiting on that perfect bliss

there is never a good time to take the leap

the fact that there is yearning means the pain may cut deep.

one must not fret, for you are not alone.

there is a healing touch that will ease the scars you own.

they will not fade as if to not exist

they are meant to remind you how to truly feel a simple sweet kiss

for without pain how do we know joy

and without that knowledge... life would be a ploy

offering nothing more than the mundane

with no adventure and nothing to gain.

so do not fret if a tear you shed
seek out the hidden treasures instead

they are there and not always easy to see

once you've learned to look, it will be more than it seemed

back in the day when all you saw was darkness

making such discovery will bring out the brightness.

it is never easy to take that step

allowing your heart out there once and again

yet watch as a child gets hurt in a day

a few minutes later they invite to play.

so simple and sweet a gesture...bringing adults to their knees

remembering what it was to have such innocent peace

they don't have to remind themselves "tomorrow's a new day"

they simply let it all fall away

let's make an effort to have that child like care

and use the wisdom of age to leave selfishness there

in the wake of yest er year.

Moments by a Large Window

I sit at a window everyday.

I work and watch the passerby saunter.

Cars zoom past and every once and a while 2-3 police cars fly by with sirens about to start.

It's not incredibly fascinating or even beautiful ( across the street is a community parking lot that has been patched often and the back of buildings that show their faces to our quaint down town.), yet I watch.

This window reminds me how moment pass by. Always moving, these moments never take time to stop like the blue jay who perches out side my window waiting for some treats. How many moments do we not grab because they seem mundane and insignificant?

That question is something that I have been asking myself lately. Also, how many moments do I let pass me because I am to afraid to take hold? I must admit it was triggered by a book I'm reading Chasing Daylight by McManus. Think about those questions and others often even before the reading of this book (which I just started I might add).

Missed opportunities, the "little" moments that can be easily overlooked, sweet gifts of daily living.... all of them coursing through my thoughts and getting to the core of my own character. Do I capture every moment like a snap shot missing the pieces all around in the "stop frame"? ... or ... Do I run with it and make every effort count because moments are moving through time? I'm not looking for any answers. I simply thought I would throw the questions out into this void we lovingly call the blogging community. Maybe we all ask those same questions.

**photo by asmundur from Flickr (http://flickr.com/photos/asmundur/)