Who am I ?

"difficult to describe... to hard to contain... I'm just me and that's all I can be. :)"

These are the only words you will find on my profile. Today I was thinking... yes I do that a lot ;)... but I was thinking about how we describe ourselves and what we mean to those around us. More importantly what we mean to the one who gave his life for us... the one who knitted us together in our mother's womb. Then I thought... what we mean to our own selves. Now I don't want to lead you down the wrong path so wait for me a minute....

I stated that I am "difficult to describe... hard to contain... I'm just me and that's all I can be." Well.. recently I learned that I have made a false statement about myself. I wasn't really being honest about me... however when i look at me I do not see what others see and I must remind my self of the truths of who I am. This is not because I am put down a lot... because I'm not... not by those around me. This is not because I was raised like that .... because I wasn't... as a point of fact, I was encouraged, loved unconditionally, and praised by my mom. But my mirror of myself is distorted. It begins in the battle of the mind and then permeates to the battle of the heart. The battle for the core of who you are. It is the century old battle for our soul.

Now ... we are far from perfect other wise we would not be here right now learning, growing, changing. But there are some core truths that I know we have in Jesus. Before I get into that though...

Recently I sent out one of those forward texts. I sent it to several of my friends with no expectation for a response. Within seconds i was receiving messages back. I laughed as I thought, "I was totally joking". The text asked for the receiver to describe the sender in one word and then forward on to at least 10 of your friends. I added " have fun with it. You never know ... you may be surprised." I was.

I probably shouldn't have been. Like I said, these are my friends. I would have to say that 90% if not more are absolutely real with me. They don't pull any punches and I never want them to because that is the relationship we have. We say the things that are hard to say and love without condition. It's real and raw. I am always blessed and thankful for what I've been provided in my friends. I pray that I provide the same for them.


Back to the Text... I'm going to share with you what I read...

Optimistic!!!!
loving
Lovable
a Role model!
Vivacious (sent 2 times same person. She wanted to be sure I knew :) )
Outgoing
Beautiful
lovable. so very easy and fun lovable
Sunshine... you know how i love sunshine

... all in all having my friends describe me is much easier than me, however it was still a surprise to read what they saw. It's not that I don't see the positive things... it's just that I see all the areas I have to grow. Knowing that pride is a problem it is easier to error on the side of where I need growth rather the areas I excel in. If I asked those same friends as well as others they (which I have in conversation) if I was "hard to contain" they would ask "in what way? Who wants to contain: love and kindness and joy?" On the other hand, there are a scant few that would say that I am difficult to live with and at times a challenge to love. So I keep those in my peripheral view. I don't want to lose sight that I can be a lot to handle. Then I read that this is the struggle of every woman's heart "I am not enough and I am to much"(Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge) So, I'm not alone. Nor, am I crazy when i feel like that.

Now back to the absolute truths I know, in my head and must remind my heart sometimes, that are the foundation of my soul in Jesus...

I am saved
I am secure
I am protected
I am fought for
I am sanctified
I am loved
I am forgiven
I am renewed
I am restored
I am pursued
I am longed for
I am treasured
I am of value and worth
I am complete.

Those are just a few. I believe that the name you are give speaks over your life for the purpose God has for you. My name means God is gracious. My life is a Living Testimony to that. So... in the last part of my statement " ... I'm just me that's all I can be" .... I am God's Grace. That is all I need to be ... His grace is sufficient for me! He has made me complete and I am thankful I have the opportunity to show up every day and say .. "Here I am Lord." without fear, sometimes with shame for my choices made, but always loved and forgiven and COMPLETE!

So.. to anyone who reads this or shares this please know that you are loved, pursued and treasured of great worth! My love and prayers for you and your journey.


Created under His Amazing Grace--

jeanette marie mayhew... encouraged by the journey He is taking me on through the broken

picture is by asmundur http://www.flickr.com/photos/asmundur the photo is called "God's House By Noon" (he is one of my favorite flickr photographers :) )